Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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