no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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