The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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