Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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