I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
