I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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