wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize