Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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