You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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