Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
vagina is talking i cant
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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