You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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