I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We have started to decorate penises.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
