Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
