Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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