She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
