sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
