there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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