My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
