Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The air taste purple.
Randomize
