remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
