I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
