i would punch a child for taco bell
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
