just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
