I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
