I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
