so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
