So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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