I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I skipped work to stalk him.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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