I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
