time to smoke my breakfast
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
