my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm at about main and main street
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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