We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
