Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
