opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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