So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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