what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
