I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
