I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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