life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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