Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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