Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
