Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
