do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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