Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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