On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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