My room smells like vodka and shame
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
