I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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