i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
