last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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