I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
