R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
